The Three Second Rule

Has this ever happened to you?

You're out and about and you see a pretty girl. Your eyes meet, just for a moment, and your mind goes into overdrive.

"Did she just look at me?
Should I say something?
Would that would be weird? Yea. Normal people don't do that.
But she's really cute, I should just say something, what do I have to lose.
What should I say?
It has to be something witty, or cool..."

And as this inner dialogue occurs, the moment is lost, you end up just thinking and wondering "what if...".

But what if I told you that there's secret a to overcoming this kind of anxiety. It's called the 3 second rule, and it's exactly what you think it is.

"You must approach her within 3 seconds, to stop you from overthinking, to keep you grounded, present, and in the moment."

The 3 second rule is scary, because it requires you to be your authentic self in the moment, completely vulnerable, and frankly that's frightening. We go to great lengths to protect ourselves because of the fear of being rejected. But this is rarely in our best interest. We shouldn't have to hide who we really are nor should we deceive others with a facade.

"Risk the sting of rejection, or carry the weight of regret."

Now this rule doesn't only apply to approaching women. That's not what this rule is about. The 3 second rule is about creating habits and building momentum.

The 3 second rule can be modified to apply to anything else. Getting out of bed in the morning, getting yourself to go to the gym, writing that screenplay that's been on your mind. Our own worst enemy is usually in our own heads. Over-thinking things can result in anxiety, fear and procrastination.

So take the initiative. It doesn't go to those who wait idly by, waiting for that girl, or that job, or that opportunity to drop conveniently into their lap. You have to seize the moment when the opportunity when it presents itself. You have to approach. If you're needing a little motivational push, watch this.

Tips for the 3 second rule when approaching women

Play Chicken with your Eyes

When you're out and about, look up. Look straight ahead because it'll instantly make you appear more confident, and then play chicken with your eyes. As you're looking forward if you make eye contact with anyone, don't break it until they do. Do not break the eye contact until they do. This isn't as much about meeting anyone as it is about training yourself to maintain a confident frame. Next time you're out, pay attention to all of the people who avoid eye contact and those who stare at the ground as they walk.

Stand tall

Say hello. If you want a surefire opening line say "I don't think we've met before, I'm _____". You really don't have to have any fancy lines or anything witty. Just have confident body language and approach with whatever compels you. Turn off your worrying brain and just be open. Yes it's going to be awkward, but it'll get better. You'll adapt and learn. You can try to manufacture it but it'll be transparent. The whole purpose of the 3 second rule is to not give yourself enough time to talk yourself out of it, or to try to "come up with something" to say or do. Learn what it's like to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there, to realize that rejection is not failure. Failure is not approaching.

Be outcome independent

Your self worth is not tied to what happens. You're still going to be an amazing person even if things don't turn out how you'd like.

Reframe any rejection this way:
"They did not reject me, they rejected my approach".

Maybe they are having a bad day, or just aren't friendly (be thankful in this case, you dodged a bullet in the long run here). There's a thousand reasons why they might "reject" you, but it's never because of who you are, nor is it your job to care. I'll be the first to admit, rejection stings, but regret can weigh heavy for weeks.

Remember, you're not trying to get a new girlfriend or even a new friend. Your goal is just to say hi, be friendly and engaging.

If you're needing some more motivation, watch this video short.